I am a reformed lawyer for many reasons. The main reason is that I never understood the adversarial aspect of litigation and being in court. People love winning and losing. I do not relate to any person’s desire to win his or her claim. I completely do not relate to any person’s wish to be “right”. I am very detached from all of that. Maybe it’s the Buddhism in my family. Maybe because it takes up too much energy. I have three boy-humans, what can I say; I like to preserve my brain and emotional energy.
Whenever there is a problem at work or at home, I automatically take on the role of mediator. I want everyone to be heard. I want to see if there is a way that two people can walk away happy. I want everyone to be happy. Is that too idealistic?
I’m deep in this EEO Counselor training, and the idea of interest-based resolutions appeals to me for all of the above reasons. This concept is the core principle when two parties enter mediation. The mediator attempts to bring two different parties into a room, understand each party’s interests and positions, and craft solutions that align and coordinate both interests and positions.
For instance, one teammate feels deeply aggrieved at not getting plum assignments. Supervisor may be assigning portfolios haphazardly and not realizing there is a discriminatory effect. Both go into mediation. Teammate airs out that it seems only white male teammates seem to be getting “sexy” gigs. Supervisor expresses surprise, and honestly says that she thought teammate was overwhelmed and she was trying to give her a break from the work. Both work out a way to communicate the workload, when someone feels overwhelmed, and when someone should raise their hand — and a system for the supervisor to pick people to lead on “sexy” assignments.
In this scenario, supervisor isn’t forced to create a remedy. Teammate isn’t forced to take supervisor to court for discrimination claim. They sat down together and worked out a communication strategy and a workflow strategy TOGETHER. they maintained their relationship.
And that’s the key thing. I care deeply about my relationships. I honestly think a contentious EEO process will definitely burn a bridge or two if taken to the formal stage. Interest-based resolutions strike that fine balance of working things out together rather than duking it out in one-dimensional process.
Plus, maybe it helps me learn mediation tips when my kids fight over candy and toys… lol.